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The Principle of Self-Discovery

Tue, 31 May 2011 12:48:03 -0800

I know... the image is shocking. I want to preface my comments in this blog entry with this: I have never suffered from an eating disorder and so I am being super aware of the sensitivity of this picture. And please know this.. I am not looking to take these situations lightly. And no.. this blog is NOT about eating disorders.

What is it about? It's about the Principle of Self-Discovery.

Looking at this photo one can see that the image in the mirror is depicting a very different image of who this girl actually is. So, which is more important? The obviously frail and possibly (if not most definitely) sick young woman who is standing in her bedroom? Or the image of who this girl THINKS she is?

In the context of this blog, the answer is very much indeed the image of who she thinks she is. Without getting into the psychology of what goes on in the minds of these young women (because remember, this blog is NOT about eating disorders) I want you, the reader, to think about what this means for you.

You see, it is not who you are that matters as much as who you THINK you are. And it matters a lot! It is who you think you are that decides on which car you drive, which man you decide to marry, who your friends are, where you live and so on and so on. It decides how much money you have in your bank account and why you do what you do for a job. Or if you don't have a job.

So, what's the relevance of all this? It's not so much that how we think of ourselves makes our decisions. It's more than that.

You see, some statistics show that approx 95% of who or what we think of ourselves goes on at a subconscious level where we are pretty much on autopilot making decisions for ourselves. (Even the major ones - like choosing our husbands or wives!) And where do we get the way we think about ourselves in the first place? Well.. that's the most shocking part... almost ALL of our beliefs about ourselves and others are developed in our minds by the time we are 18. We learned them from whoever had the most impact on us when we were growing up. So, for most of us.. it's our parents. (Ever notice that you are becoming more and more like your mother the older you get?!)

I know... most of you probably already know this. But, do you know it like a man knows about child birth? Or do you know child birth like a woman does who has delivered a real life size child?

How do we know what our beliefs are then if they are 95% of the time at an unconscious level? Excellent question! Our thoughts become feelings which become our actions (or behaviour). In knowing this little fact, the best way to start to uncover some of those beliefs is to listen to the self-talk that goes on inside your noggin, be aware of how you are feeling and watch the way you behave. THAT is how you will soon be aware that to own a $250, 000 car (for example) will either be a part of your "Yes- I would like that." or "What? Are you flippin kidding me? How am I ever going to own a car for that much?" kind of thinking. Make sense?

Here's a great way to practice noticing what you think.

Fill in these blanks:
1. Fat people are_______________________
2. Skinny people are ____________________
3. Rich people are _____________________
4. Men are ____________________________
5. Women are _________________________
6. Poor people are _____________________

However you responded to these is exactly how you think about these examples. And everyone's responses will be different. Why? Because everyone has a different belief about all of these examples.

Discovering who we think we are is important because until we discover what it is we truly believe about ourselves, we can truly start to change our circumstances. Until then... quit wishing you were richer, happier, smarter, funnier etc.

Until next time... start discovering who you think you are! (And for real. Not who you wish you are!).

In love and success (whatever that means to you),

Melissa Haupt
Supporting women in living a life of significance.

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Are you living a life of passion or mediocrity?

Tue, 03 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Over the next 3 blog posts I am going to be talking about Passion, Power and Purpose. I have an event planned in San Diego and Phoenix titled: "Passion. Power. Purpose: it's time to rediscover yourself" and so I felt it was fitting to be discussing these 3 topics.

"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”

With any goal or dream we undertake it is obvious to most that it is paramount to have an insurmountable amount of passion. This is for a couple of reasons.

1. With any goal you will need to enrol people in it; Enrol people to buy your product or service; Enrol others who work for you to get behind your vision and make it theirs; Enrol people who can support you. You will have a tough time enrolling people if you lack passion.

2. There needs to be something bigger than yourself for when times get tough. Once we get outside our comfort zone we will find ourselves challenged by circumstances, people and ourselves!

This blog sounds like something most of you, the reader, has heard before. My challenge is to push your thinking a little and ask yourself: "Is what I am currently doing for a job or a business truly what I want to be doing in this once chance of life that I get?" Too often we find ourselves taking opportunities that are not congruent with what we are truly passionate about. We find ourselves in survival mode and don't want to risk doing something else in case it doesn't work out. Then, all of a sudden we are sixty years old and we have not done what our heart is truly passionate about.

I believe, if you cannot put your heart into it it (your business, your job and ultimately your life!) will bear the fruit of mediocrity. For some of us we have been doing this most our lives, if not all, and then we become accustomed to this way of living. We think it is 'normal'.

My challenge is to get real about what it is that you are truly passionate about and look to get a strategy in place (an exit plan from your mediocre life (or if I sugar coat it: "not so passionate life") and start living a life you are passionate about. One that gets you bouncing out of bed in the morning.

Often women in my workshops and seminars know what they don't want, yet find it difficult to articulate what they do want. That's why I do the seminars I do! If you are struggling with not knowing what you are passionate about....In a nutshell, it is linked to your purpose! :)

If you are serious about living a passionate life, come and attend one of our full day seminars: Passion. Power. Purpose - we have one in San Diego - September 25th and also in Phoenix - October 2nd. Come and re-discover yourself! You deserve it! You can get your tickets here: http://www.yourdreamingplace.com/passionpowerpurpose.html

I love you and am excited to experience your greatness.

Melissa xx

You are creating more of what you say you don't want.

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:41:57 -0800

I am discussing today about an aspect of great importance which not only holds us back, it also keeps us in a place where we are continually creating more of the same.

Perhaps you would like to do this as an activity so that you can obtain more value.

Take a moment to write down 6 or more things in your life that you wish didn't happen, or things that you wish you didn't do, or things you have some energy on or things that bring about negative emotions. Then, write down the emotions that these bring about. For example: maybe it is 'being in debt' that you wrote down and the emotion that comes up for you is disappointment.

You see, the reason why there is emotion with each of the things you wrote down is because you believe that "what is shouldn't be or shouldn't have happened". You are resisting what is. You are resisting the fact that these things are a part of your history or still exist and you want dearly to change it. To fix the situation. That is never going to work.

Resistance is the foundation from which most people attempt to move their life forward and it doesn't work. They are looking to change what they are resisting. Think about how most women look to change our weight for example. We resist what we are seeing (our bodies, our 'fat' legs, our 'big bum' etc) and we look to change our TERRIBLE situation by losing weight/fat through dieting, exercise and even extreme measures such as liposuction etc. Only to find ourselves putting on that weight again in due time. If the theory of "to think is to create", then everything you are resisting you are creating more of it.

Think of anything on that list you made that you wished didn't look the way it is. You are in resistance to everything on that list. How do I know? Because you put it there! "I don't like it".. so I resist it. "It shouldn't be".. so I resist it. Okay.. so you get that you are resisting these things... time for a solution.

One would think the way to stop resisting something is to simply do that.. stop resisting whatever it is that you are resisting. That is not the solution. The solution looks like this:

1. Acknowledge that you are in resistance
2. Accept that it is YOUR resistance. Don't go looking to place someone else or the circumstance in the 'resistance basket'. Own that it is you that is in resistance.
3. This is a big one! When resistance comes up, experience it FULLY. Allow yourself to experience the emotions - the hurt, the disappointment, the guilt - everything. When we resist something we push it down or stay in it for a long time. That is simply resisting the resistance! Instead allow yourself to experience it completely so that you are left with nothing.
4. Surrender to it. When you surrender to the resistance you are giving in to it. You are giving into 'what is'.

It is only then that you can create something that will better serve you. IE: creating wealth, creating a healthy, sculptured body. Not from a place of resistance, but instead from a place of nothingness. Without judgment but instead total acceptance. Acceptance is giving up what you think you already know about something.

Go and accept what is and look to create in your life. Create the things that your heart desires. You deserve it!

I love you
xx Melissa

Will Smith - Inspirational words of Wisdom

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

This is an extraordinary piece of wisdom from Will Smith. This was very uplifting for me and so I wanted to share it.

Procrastination - a fatal symptom of something much worse

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

Like all of my blogs of late, this blog is directly related to my life. You see, last week and all weekend I had a severe case of the "procrastinations". Have you ever had bouts of that? It's a common "illness" with symptoms such as; switching between facebook and email; shuffling paper; watching tv and so on and so forth. The symptoms look different for each person, however, this fatal "illness" has one thing in common... unfulfilled dreams.

Now to be serious...

Procrastination is actually a symptom. So, like a disease in the human body, if all you are doing is just treating the symptom then you are still left with the disease. You can look to change things from the outside in (dealing with the symptom) and find plenty of steps on 'how to deal with procrastination'. Or you can get to root of the cause and look to change from the inside out.

Let me give you an example. Imagine for a minute you have a chocolate cake and you slice the cake to make 2 cakes to give you a double layered cake. Let's pretend that it is chocolate and you put cream and fresh strawberries in between.. Why?.. simply because I love chocolate cake with cream and strawberries! It has nothing to do with the example.

The bottom layer represents your core belief system. It is made up of all the beliefs that support you in having the successes you have had and all the self-limiting beliefs that stop you from achieving all the other dreams you have yet just can't seem to achieve! The top layer of the cake is the results of your every day actions, including procrastination. They belong together and cannot be separated. After all, it was a chocolate cake that was sliced to make two layers of chocolate cake. You can look to make changes to the top layer, however, it will always be chocolate.

Procrastination (my actions... or lack there of!) is the result of being in resistance to something. I am not talking about the resistance to doing something you don't like or something that is 'hard'. Again, that would just be looking at the surface symptoms. I am referring to looking deeper than that, to the bottom layer of the cake. A personal development facilitator, Tom Haupt discusses in his book, Time-Out!, about the 8 most common self-limiting beliefs that hold us back from our goals and dreams. These are the names of the diseases that are the root cause of why anyone of us procrastinates.

Let's say we look at my layers as an example. I must start with what I see in the top layer.. obviously in this case we are talking about procrastination. So, if procrastination is a form of resistance then what am I resisting? If I look at my bottom layer I can identify that I am afraid of success. So I am actually resisting being successful! According to the 8 categories of the self-limiting beliefs as identified in Tom Haupt's book I have a belief called "Fear of Success" and also "I'm not Worthy".

When I believe that "I'm not worthy" or have a 'Fear of success" then I will look to go about my life, subconsciously, looking to sabotage my dreams to support my beliefs about myself. Procrastination is one really great way that I can sabotage my success. I mean, who can actually be successful in their business by watching tv and spending time on facebook!?

How do we change this chocolate cake to another flavor? ie: how do I change "I'm not worth it" to "I'm worth it"? Well... that's a whole other blog. However, there are some great exercises in Tom Haupt's book. You can order it on his website: www.TomHaupt.com

Next time you are procrastinating take the time to dig down as to what you are resisting. What's really going on for you?

Live a purpose-filled life.. you ARE worthy of it!

I love you

xx Melissa

Your Worth - what are you attaching to it?

Mon, 05 Jul 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I had a girlfriend email me about how her business is progressing and that she finds that she sometimes lands herself in the midst of feeling anxious and obsessing about how to talk to potential clients about her business. And of course, like most weeks when I write these blogs it is because I could totally see myself in the same boat! For me I am often 'freaked out' about how many people will come to my events! or not come.. to be more on point!

There are many surface reasons why we find ourselves 'freaking out' about 'who to talk to and how to talk to them ' or about any other aspects of our lives. When we feel these feelings it is because we are outside our comfort zone for a start.

I want to propose this thought...."The underlying reason why we become anxious and stressed could be that we are attaching our worth to the results." I mean why is it that it matters how many women come to my event? Is that a reflection of me? NO! It could have nothing to do with me. Could it be a reflection of how I marketed the event? SURE! However, that has NOTHING to do with ME. Not to do with who I AM anyway. Once we can stand in our power.. in our self-worth and own that who we are is already enough, then we don't need to attach the outcomes to who we are as women (or men).

So, when you next approach someone about your business, stand in your self-worth - in your power - and while you own who you are, that who you are is already enough irrelevant of the results and detach yourself from the outcome. (Even if the result is a positive one!)

Practice this and share your results for us all to read.

I love you all.

Own your power and your purpose for your life. You deserve it. YOU ARE WORTH IT! :)

xx Melissa

The need to be right

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 00:00:00 -0800

I was hiking a mountain close by where I live this morning and was listening to an audio version of a book I highly recommend called Leadership and Self-deception. It is an extraordinary book and I would encourage you to go buy it if you haven't already read it. There are many fascinating concepts in that book and as someone I know who has also read it once said "that book is like a gift that keeps on giving".

The book aside...You know how you hear or think something and then your mind wanders and all of a sudden you find yourself thinking on something that really has nothing to do with what you first heard or thought?! Well, I had one of those moments (many of them I am sure) on the mountain this morning. The one that has stuck with me is about a concept I have heard called "the need to be right".

"The need to be right" is a common phenomenon that each and every person practices from when they are a child. Whether it is a learned or innate behavior I am going to leave out of this blog. What I am most interested in blogging about is how this "need to be right" affects our relationships.

First let me explain what I understand "the need to be right" is all about. Throughout our lives we have experiences from which we develop stories. These stories make up our storybook for our lives by which we think, speak, hear and act from. That storybook affects everything from what job we chose, what we enjoy doing in our spare time and even the spouse we chose. We subconsciously act out those stories in our life time and time again. At least the storyline is the same. The characters and settings just look different. We take with us the storybook to each new scene in our life.

A lot of the stories are learned very early on from other storytellers in our lives, like our parents and our teachers. And then over time we look and find evidence to support our stories. Because we want to believe our stories are right.

Let me give you an example. In my relationship with my boyfriend there is a certain way that he washes his clothes and there is a certain way I wash mine. The story that he has about his washing is that 'all whites should be washed in hot water'. When he means 'whites' he means 'underwear'. It took me a while to figure that one out because not all his underwear is white! You can see already how our stories can play a part in our relationships with others, right?! 'Whites' to me means anything white. Why is that so important? Because my story is that I want my white clothes to stay white. So, I don't care if my whites are washed in hot or cold or even warm water for that matter! I just want my white clothes to be washed together so that they stay that way.. white! On the flipside, he wants his 'whites' (which aren't all white, by the way.. oh! that's right, I already mentioned that!) to be washed in hot water so that all the germs are killed. Doesn't sound like such a big deal, right?! Wrong.

When I first discovered the story that he had about his washing technique and how his story didn't match mine I immediately thought "Well, that makes no sense at all. Why on earth would ANYONE wash their 'whites' that are not all white, together?! Certainly don't call it a white wash! They are NOT all white!" Of course I bet I could find a bunch of other people to agree with how right I was too!

Over time whenever I would do the washing I would be sure to do his washing his way. What is amazing though is how long it has taken me to figure out his way of washing. (He has some other systems as well that I had to add to the mix of the 'whites' system) The confusion I was in was because at some level I was still hanging onto my story of how the washing should look and therefore I was 'needing to be right'. Just like in the beginning when he would explain his system for washing his clothes. I thought he was half crazy because the way he did his washing didn't match the way I had been doing it for years. His story didn't match my story. So, who was right and who was wrong?! Of course you know I was right!

If "the need to be right" about something as simple as washing clothes can be what can cause a rift, and it has on occasions, then where else is my relationships with others is my "needing to be right" getting in the way?

Consciously aware of it or not when we are in 'needing to be right' mode we are committed to one thing.... "needing to be right'. We find ourselves become like a whole other person. Sometimes a very scary, crazy person who resorts to behaviors such as anger, including yelling and or swearing. We can sometimes be argumentative or even manipulative. The behavior is different for each person. The behavior, however, is not the issue. The issue is a person's 'need to be right'.

It leaves us in a state of being completely unreasonable and our commitment to 'being right' is more important to us than our relationships. The most frightening things is that we don't even see how we are 'being' in those moments. All we see is how we NEED to be RIGHT! Then we start to make up other stories about how this other person is lazy, rude, a bad husband.

This is all touching on why we don't have the relationships we say we want.

Well....I am sure I could write about this topic all day! Given this is a blog and you actually have other things you want to get done today, I am going to end this here. I might pick it up again another week. If you have any thoughts or questions let me know. You can leave a comment or question above this blog where it says "comments".

Challenge: Become conscious in your day today and look to see if when you are interacting with people you are 'needing to be right'.

I love you all. Have a fabulous day and own your greatness, you deserve it!

Melissa

Who do you THINK you are?

Sat, 19 Jun 2010 11:01:46 -0800

In the beginning of the book I am writing is a concept of Self-Discovery and it's importance to a woman's success. Identifying who you THINK you are is the foundation for empowerment. There are some questions in the book that allow the reader to make some discoveries about herself.

With these discoveries there is certainly no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Nor is there ‘good’ or ‘bad’. There are only discoveries about what is empowering or disempowering you. What is, is. And what isn’t, isn’t. It is the stories we make up about the circumstances in our lives, that makes the difference between whether we are empowered or disempowered.

When I am referring to empowered I am referring to something that is supporting or promoting your greatness. And therefore disempowered I am referring to something that is not supporting or promoting your greatness. Being empowered puts you in a responsible state. I once heard Tony Robbins, a very popular and well known identity within the personal growth and development arena, say that being responsible is being “response able”. Meaning when you are in an empowered state you are able to respond. An empowered state allows you to be focused on finding a new solution. Provides you with new understanding. You are more open to learning something new about yourself or a situation. It gives you the power to make decisions and moves you into action mode.

The Webster dictionary defines the word empower as: “To give power to. To enable or permit. To promote the self-actualization or influence of.” Imagine if you gave yourself permission and supported yourself in a consistent place of empowerment? You would be giving yourself permission to enable yourself or to give power to yourself!

Therefore being in a disempowered state is to deprive of power. Webster dictionary defines it as “To deprive of influence, to make weak, ineffectual or unimportant.” When you allow yourself to be in a disempowered state you allow yourself to be made weak. To allow your power to be taken away from you and to be ineffectual and unimportant.

It focuses you on the problem and even makes the problem bigger. You find yourself in an unresourceful state as you are simply problem focused not solution focused. It puts you in the victim questioning: “why me? Why does this always happen to me?’ Disempowerment gives you a feeling of being out of control because you give away your power.

The stories can be changed. Given that they have been written over a long period of time and become a part of our belief system, it has been said that they will always be with us at some level. That the stories never really go away. They are a part of who we are.

So, before assessing whether the stories in your life leave you empowered, what are the stories? Who are YOU? Who is it that you think you are?

Own your greatness - you deserve it,

Melissa Williams

Getting out of the funk.

Sat, 12 Jun 2010 08:00:32 -0800

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and she was sharing with me about the downs she has had of late and I could relate to all of them. They were not circumstantial downs, where she had the misfortune of her husband losing his job or having a child diagnosed with a terminal illness or anything else that plenty of people get 'hit' with all across the world everyday. However, these downs were still very real and I figured if I could relate, then maybe you, the reader of this blog would also relate. Basically she was in a 'funk'!

The funk I am talking about creak up on us unexpectedly. It has the potential of having us feel like we were just handed a massive blow like the examples I previously used. What I am referring to is the lies and betrayal of our 'lower self'. They do not support us in our dreams and they rob us of hope and dreams. They rob us of recognizing our potential and living on purpose. These lies I am referring to are thoughts that we have at a subconscious level and can wash over us with a feeling of despair and heartache.

Let me give you an example. You wake up and get started with your day. You start contacting some people about your business opportunity and you have someone respond to you in a way that was not positive. So you think to yourself, "why am I doing this anyway? I should just go and get a job and do something that is easy." It is in that moment that you decide to go on facebook and spend some time escaping. Then you see a peer's comment about how she is 'kicking butt' in her business and it takes you over the edge. "That's it... I'm done. I will never be able to do this. It's just too hard. Noone cares about what I am doing. I can't possibly do what she is doing." You may even at this point find yourself emotional and as the tears flow down your cheeks you wish you didn't feel this way. You not only feel stuck, you remain stuck. You have been going on this merry-go-round for years now. Not only in this business, but in others. Can you relate?

The feelings and actions in this example are the result of the lies and deception I was referring to earlier. The underlying thoughts of the 'lower self' in this example is probably something like "I don't deserve. I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough." And these deep rooted thoughts are robbing you of your dreams and goals.

Getting back to the conversation with my friend. She asked how I get out of that funk. I thought about it for a while and remembered that it was only a couple of weeks ago that I felt this way. "I choose to believe that I am good enough. I just switch my thinking. Sometimes it seems easier than other times." What I loved about my friend's response was that the way she moves away from her funk is to do something for someone else. I thought that was awesome. In order to be our 'higher self' we can either change from the inside out or from the outside in. Either way, we all deserve to be owning our greatness and living on purpose.

Own your greatness and live on purpose today. You do deserve it. You are worthy of it. And remember 'Who you are is already enough'.

I Love you all,
Melissa

Living a Purpose Driven Life

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 17:48:12 -0800

It has been a few months since I have written a blog because I figured "well, who the heck is reading it anyways!". Resigning myself to the thought "Probably noone!". You can see it now, can't you!? Big ol' sulking face, arms crossed with my bottom lip all..... sulk like! Well, then i grew up and thought, "Melissa, if you are going to doing something, you might as well do it well!" So, alas - here is another blog entry and I am committed to making it a weekly blog!

This afternoon I just finished a radio interview with two extremely down to earth, giving and fun men i could ever have the pleasure of doing a radio interview with. I was talking about my women's seminars and something really stayed with me in regards to my thoughts on purpose.

I believe that each of us were given a unique set of strengths and a unique purpose to fulfill. Some people may disagree with me and that's ok. For me, this is my truth and it is something that gives me a sense of hope for not only me, but also everyone else who is willing to hear my message. I also believe there are no coincidences that you were born in this very time in history. The combination of timing, your individual assignment and your strengths is a culmination of something extraordinary!

I couldn't imagine knowing the actual number of people who are not living a life they were created to live. Shying away from your greatness does not serve anyone and instead is a take from the world. How many people are dying from starvation in third world countries because someone has not owned all that they can be? How many abused women are going unsupported because someone is afraid to be the person they know they were created to be?

STOP the craziness. Just STOP. Take a moment to evaluate your own life and where you are not playing the biggest game in life that you and the world deserves for you to be playing. If you are choosing to play small, then I challenge you to look at that. Choose in this moment to step into your power and get clear, real clear, about your purpose. Someone or something, somewhere, is waiting for you.

Please email of you have any topics you would like to hear about in my blog and I would love to share my thoughts!

Who you are is already enough,

Melissa